Few years back my father asked me to blog letting me to believe that i would make money online and when i said this to my uncle he told me,”Bulls***,your father said the same thing to me not that he asked me to blog but he put the idea inside my head that that’s how one can earn.” I think your parents know whats best for you but most of the time i say trust your intuition and guts which again i believe is build from experience.
Thank god, i believed my father like i do now most of the times. Because when i look back the only thing i can fully credit myself for is this little blog of mine which indeed moulded me into an in-dependant and wise being. To be completely honest again i can not fully credit myself because then it would be unfair not to consider the free internet my parents provided for me. And most importantly the good people i have met around the world because of this blog.
Yes i am not an ordinary teenager for so many reasons: When i look at an old portrait of my late grandfather i think of him to reborn in a different place with some different family of his own. Of course there is no guarantee that he’s reborn as a human in a decent family or a poor one but now that is what i would like to imagine. I want to imagine happy thoughts.
Sometimes i feel too old for my age and think about death and dying and the dead. I do not know if it is ordinary to fear death at this age but whatsoever it may be, it is a good thing because death will teach us a lot of lessons not even one life time has to offer. And after all death is the uncertainty.
Life is uncertain as well. There are some days when I have adapted morning rituals of listening to the BBC radio and slowly even that habit dies out without my sub-conscious having to team up with my conscience reminding me to continue. Now the next day i am no more the girl who listens to the radio every morning. Old habits die out while new one inhibit long enough to stay and again fortunately prove you wrong or stay for a long time.
I have had summers when i took no interest in wearing shorts. There were times when i thought not eating an ice cream in public anymore meant one of the many things an adult did. And the next winter i remember eating wai wai right from my sisters plastic in public. But what i have come to understand now is more than ever, i have come to understand my mothers need to talk to me as a friend more important than as a mother. It is not like balancing a china plate on your head and walking till the end of the race to stand first or even to make it till the end. All i have to do is listen to her.
I have come to understand that there is warmth in the love and affection that you hold towards your parents and that it should teach you to reach out to the universe. I have also understood that people will come in and out of character more often than some people in remote parts of the world change their cloths. So much to say, writing and reading and cycling made me into the kind of girl who when advises her parents, they listen not because they owe it to me as a daughter or out of that little space i relentlessly seek as a child and now defy to leave. But because when my parents look at me, eye to eye, they know my worth even at this age.