There is no mood in my body that wants to go back to bed after visiting the toilet. So i empty my trash and visit the kitchen, there are dishes from last night semi-soaked in the basin, I think my mother soaked them, they are semi-soaked because the tea-cup and few spoons still have food in them and they look solid thanks to the weather and the morning temperature. My parent’s entered the house with out a lock and I don’t remember opening the door for them except shouting at my sister for blasting my room with music from her computer.
When I enter the kitchen and bring myself to do dishes I see a light shadow upon the table where we hardly eat together, this kind of shadow, the quality reminds me of the one when I was a baby, at ten or eleven they seem familiar because as a kid I found joy in waking up early and being part of the morning sun.In the basin I first come across the frying pan which needs to be washed with a softer sponge and instead I used my hands and some soap, I am wondering if my mother forgot to take the sponge out and there is no want to go looking for it because only sausages were fried and it didn’t seem like a difficult task. I quietly laugh when I come across the pink spoon because father did not take note of it when I put it in his plate instead of the metal one which is more manly, I was expecting him to complain at the top of his voice saying,’Zai, this is Eva’s spoon. Do you think I am going to eat with a pink spoon?’
Like a girl I tease myself with the orientation of the water, I know it is too cold but in between I use the cold water only to realize i was a fool because the water penetrates through my gloves and enters my skin and leaves me feeling cold right down to my knees. When I return to my room I turn the heater off and slide the window for fresh air or just some air, silence prevails in my room and outside that I can listen to my sister breathing with a semi-blocked nose, beside my sister’s side of the bed are her two most important things, the computer and her head phones because I complain that she disturbs me, sometimes whatever comes out from her computer seems to be soothing and the rest of the time it gets to me like an uninvited guest to a nasty house wife. My sister is at an age when she abandons her perfectly set room every night to either crash at our parent’s or at my room and I don’t find a reason to blame her because I can see myself as the same kid going through the same shit few years back.
So this is what it feels like waking up early in the morning? Waking up to the morning sun, the empty street, the familiar shadows from childhood, the silent room and etc.